morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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