Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
