I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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