Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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