dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
