I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
