your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Are my feet made of real feet?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
