True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
