Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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