so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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