Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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