I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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