Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
