I am full of burrito and curiosity
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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