I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
