battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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