If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
