I think my fart just growled at me.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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