Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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