Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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