My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
