I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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