worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
