My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
