I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
