i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
