An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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