I would go down on you faster than GM stock
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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