i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize