i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
