It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
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I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
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just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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