Jerry, you need to find god
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Slut skills are useful in every country.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
