ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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