People with herpes should wear stickers.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize