this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
