Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
