i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
