I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
