OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
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Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
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At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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