i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
