im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
