what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
