I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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