The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
