Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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