All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
