You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
