My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
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I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
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You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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