so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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