I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
