Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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