My room smells like vodka and shame
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
