It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
