Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
