im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
