I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
how can u be prego again
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
