He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Couch. On fire.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
