Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize