this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i love accidental penises.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
