He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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