well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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