I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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