she woke up with a sticky ear
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
