I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
