I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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